The Barbarian Woman

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In the Barbarian tribes of old, whether it be the Celts, the Brits, the Franks, Goths, Germans or Norse, etc., the woman always played a vital role in society. They were not considered to be inferior except in Physical strength and sometimes that was even debatable. . . .

The Barbarian woman is not given to hysteria or panic. Her emotions, though deeply felt, are not on the surface causing her to lose control; if she does you had better run for the hills, but for the most part she is in control. This allows her to think through, to listen and observe, seeking truth and resolution before running or attacking. The fight or flight mechanism prevalent in the man is controlled in the woman by an instinct to protect and nurture. She knows that she can best serve her family by remaining calm, she often has to be the eyes and ears of her Barbarian man to direct his sometimes-misguided fury. She is the radar he needs to hit the mark without destroying the village. I’ll let you figure that one out…

The woman hears and understands things—call it a spiritual discernment or woman’s intuition—that men sometimes blissfully miss. The danger in this is that women can also be offended a little too easily and hold grudges way too long. They are very tuned into the perception of others, particularly what others think if them.


This brings me to a very important point. The key reason why we need to adopt the Barbarian mindset in order to engender emotionally healthy women in the Kingdom of God, women who are able to accept the love of a Father God who loves them for who they are; if you want to be a woman that is able to be strong and courageous, even-keeled—even stoic when need be, while at the same time loving passionately and unselfishly—you cannot, and must not, allow your sense of self-worth to be determined by what others think of you.    This is the biggest pit that women fall into starting as little girls. The very first time a little girl comes home from school—probably Kindergarten—crying it’s because another little girl did not like her, told her that her dress was ugly, her hair was ugly, she was stupid or she didn’t want to be her friend anymore… she starts the descent into self-doubt.

Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. 1 Peter 3:3,4

Little boys will laugh insults off or punch each other and move on, but a little girl will hold on to this hurt for a good long time, and it will build—snowball—as the years go by; cliques are formed, peer groups of the cool girls, the sleep overs that you were excluded from, never being able to wear the right clothes or wear the right shoes. Middle school is a living nightmare and High school is just something to bear as your loser status is now engraved in stone. Or, if you are one of the chosen ones, the cool kids, you get out of your everybody worships me world and discover that you really don’t have the world by the tail and no one cares who you hung out with in school.

The little girl who was convinced by others that she was either a loser or a princess is now totally without an identity. She doesn’t know who she is and will never be happy, never be satisfied with the person she sees in the mirror. This leads to all sorts of disastrous ends: eating disorders, drug addictions, depression, promiscuity—even suicide.


Ladies, mothers and Fathers, this is something you both need to work on; your daughter’s need Barbarian mentoring just as much as young men do and it has to start as soon as they become self-aware. As soon as they hear the words, ‘What a beautiful little girl’, and know what it means they have to be taught that who they are, their worth, is not tied up in their looks, their style, who likes them and who doesn’t. They have to know that their worth is not tied to what other’s think about them.

Barbarians do not connect their self-worth to what others think of them. They do not care if everyone does not like them. Barbarians know what is inside of them, what is in their hearts, because they have been taught what is right and wrong, it is written on their hearts and the person laughing at you, calling you stupid and ugly does not, cannot, know what is in your heart—only you can. With the exception of one other Person; Jesus.

For it was you who formed my inward parts;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Wonderful are your works; Psalm 139:13, 14

He created your heart, he made you who you are for a reason and he loves you. He created you to love and to live with a passion that is a reflection of him, that is driven by the ability to love with a determination and a fierceness that can burn through any darkness anyone would try to throw at you. You are perfect because God made you that way, and whatever you messed up along the way… he has redeemed—so you are still perfect!

14 For by one sacrifice he has made perfect forever those who are being made holy.

15 The Holy Spirit also testifies to us about this. First he says:

16 “This is the covenant I will make with them
after that time, says the Lord.
I will put my laws in their hearts,
and I will write them on their minds.” Hebrews 10:14-16

Your strecowgirlngth, your value as a person, your worthiness to be loved, to be honored—to be—is found within, deep within, your heart where the Spirit of Jesus dwells and flourishes. If you are a Barbarian woman in the Kingdom, you belong to Jesus and you have the power of Christ, coupled with an innate sense of confidence that makes you dangerous—dangerous to the enemy who would try and mess with you or yours.


-Taken From Barbarians in the Kingdom, my latest book now available from Barnes and Noble and Amazon.

Click the link below to check it out.

Barbarians in the Kingdom B&N

One thought on “The Barbarian Woman

  1. Great post. It’s funny when I say to my six year old she’s beautiful she just replies sweetly “I know”. It’s also wonderful to see little girls just accept their beauty, but it doesn’t define them. For adult women, as you say, beauty or lack thereof can; the bad thing is that this can damage marriages. When a husband still loves a wife but she doesn’t have the same self confidence when her looks fade she can withdraw. A spiral in the making.


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